American Democrats Are the Worst At Voter Fraud

Like Ahab and the whale or O.J. and the real killer, President Trump seems hell bent on finding three to five million illegally cast ballots despite no evidence at all of voter fraud. Today, while speaking with congressional leaders, Trump attempted to convince a group of the most informed men and women in the country that he actually won the popular vote if the illegal votes were omitted.

Beyond the lunacy of trying to convince congressmen that the election was rigged and beyond the idiocy of a winner continually being underwhelmed by his own victory is the fact that Trump believes that democrats committed voter fraud to sway the popular vote but just barely lose the electoral college.

How stupid does Trump think congress is? After a weekend of denying that pictures of an empty inauguration were, in fact, empty, now he’s telling us that five million votes should be thrown out? Further, how stupid does that make democrats?

For the sake of argument, let’s assume that Donald Trump has some secret information in his file cabinet and that democrats committed four million cases of voter fraud (we’re splitting the difference in his range since he has a tendency to exaggerate). Why would democrats use all those resources and risk launching the greatest political scandal in the history of our union to pad the numbers in states that are already democratic strongholds?


Hillary Clinton lost the state of Wisconsin by 22,748 votes. If we were in charge of a massive voter fraud conspiracy, we’d throw 23,000 votes over to this state and just like that, the electoral college is 242-296, still favoring Trump.


We all love to pick on Florida because it is such a weird state and it kinda looks like a penis and that bath salt zombie was from there – the reasons are endless – but if we were the democrats, we would have definitely thrown 113,000 crooked votes over to that state. How does that swing the electoral college? 271-267, now favoring Clinton.

This would have been enough to change the election result in favor of that woman with the email issues and all we needed was 136,000 votes. But Trump said we used four million so we’ve got some more work to do.

Every Other Swing State

Running crazy with our voting fraud power, our next order of business is to convert every swing state. Using just enough voters to take the state, we’re going to need 914,000 fake voters. By doing that, Mrs. Clinton would pick up 86 more electoral votes which brings the new total to 357-181.

At this point, we’ve used just a quarter of our potential voter pool to swing the vote into an overwhelming mandate but, since we are the most crooked of all political parties, let’s go for broke. How many votes would it take to turn all the other states that Trump won?

Every Other State. Period.

In states that Trump won, he won by a margin of 7,650,761. With three million fraudulent votes left in our stockpile, we could give Clinton all but five or six states and nearly all the electoral college votes that a candidate could ever dream of.

But, instead of making Donald Trump the biggest laughing stock in political history, Trump believes that the democrats threw all of those votes into California and New York, where he was going to lose anyway, just so they could be the greatest loser in the history of the union.

More insulting than the fact that the most powerful man in the world believes this is that he continues, without any evidence to support his claims, to try to sell the American people on this farce. If these allegations were true, it would be the most bone-headed, idiotic, misguided scandal of all time but it’s not true and we must continue to remind President Trump that this is a lie.

To say that there were 3-5 million cases of voter fraud in an election is dumb at best, dangerous at worst. With an election already being called into question based on Russian interference, what does Trump possibly have to gain by convincing people that he didn’t just win but that he won bigly?

This is all smoke and mirrors. It’s the fourth day of this administration and it’s already time to pull the curtain back and reveal the real Wizard. The more we talk about crowd sizes and popular votes and “alternate facts”, the less we talk about an abysmal collection of cabinet appointees, a growing collection of controversial executive actions, the potential depths of Russian influence, and the very real possibility that Trump is already in violation of the constitution.

These are the tactics of a dictator and while we will probably tire of Hitler comparisons by the end of the week, it does not lessen the fact that Trump is playing right out of the Handbook for Building an Authoritarian Regime (Simon & Schuster). Don’t let the distractions blind you to the facts.

Facts are facts. Truth is truth. Trump is lies.

Photo by Mortimer62